Tearful

So we went and took some treats over to my mother-in-laws yesterday evening, for her and Gr. Aunt Janet, and we sat and talked for a little bit. She had a chemo treatment on the 13th and had to get some follow up shots yesterday. It was not only Valentines day, but it was her birthday as well. As we talked she said she has come to peace with the Lord about her cancer. She said she has been pleeding with the Lord the if it's between her and Raeleigh that she would rather go and let my baby live. I can't even write about this without crying. I hope that the Lord wouldn't do that, to send one and take on from the same family, I know he has before, but please not now. Can't we have both. She was so sincere, and I couldn't help but cry. Even worse, I almost gave in to my selfish thoughts and wished for my baby's life over that of her life. I quickly pushed that aside, I couldn't bare to think like that, how could I. What person could be luckier to have a mother-in-law like her, she is so caring and so unselfish and so giving. She loves my family like her own, and continually asks about them and is concerned for them, and when she can, she gives of herself to them. I couldn't have asked for better, and to think that she would be willing to give her life in place of my unborn baby, I just can't bare to think that way.

I know this is a bit depressing, but please, pray for her and my baby. We learned on Sunday that we should pray for the Lords will, and for me that is hard. I want to but I am selfish, and I want the Lords will to be my will, and I know it should be the other way around. Trials are hard, especially with so much uncertainty, and when dealing with life and death. I find comfort in my family and in those I love, that lift me when I'm down, but the mind can be a terrible thing when you let the adversary in. When I'm low is the times that are the hardest, but thankfully there are places like this that let me get my thoughts out when I don't feel like talking. So thanks and I love you.

The Face of E

The Rh E antibody has reared it ugly head once more, and I am not happy. I was hoping to get through this pregnancy without many complications. Well, to my utter disappointment, no such luck. First came the breaking news that I had this rarity called the Rh E antibody, otherwise known as anti E. That was early on in my pregnancy and was told I only had a trace of it, so it was nothing to worry about. Okay, so that was that. Then came the ever looming gestational diabetes. I knew I would probably get it, so I was just taking it in stride. It came, and along with the one and three hour tests, it was confirmed that indeed I have gestational diabetes. Luckily, I have been able to control it with diet, and hopefully it remains that way. Unfortunately, the anti E has multiplied, still not in the danger zone, but high enough to worry that it could get there. Just the mere fact that it has multiplied is something to worry about. I also am retaining water already, and I had toxemia with Zach and it is a possibility that I could get it again. So along with the weekly to every-other week visits I have to look forward to with my regular OBGYN, I now have to see a specialist weekly. I have yet to see him, I just received the news today, so everything will be coming along shortly. I am trying really hard not to worry, and to look at the positives, but it is hard. The good thing is that the baby is far enough along to survive if anything major does happen. I know I am in good hands, and if this baby is to survive, and be a part of our family here on this earth, I know the Lord will make it so. Even so, extra prayers never hurt.

I'll keep you updated on what I find out from the specialist.