Tearful

So we went and took some treats over to my mother-in-laws yesterday evening, for her and Gr. Aunt Janet, and we sat and talked for a little bit. She had a chemo treatment on the 13th and had to get some follow up shots yesterday. It was not only Valentines day, but it was her birthday as well. As we talked she said she has come to peace with the Lord about her cancer. She said she has been pleeding with the Lord the if it's between her and Raeleigh that she would rather go and let my baby live. I can't even write about this without crying. I hope that the Lord wouldn't do that, to send one and take on from the same family, I know he has before, but please not now. Can't we have both. She was so sincere, and I couldn't help but cry. Even worse, I almost gave in to my selfish thoughts and wished for my baby's life over that of her life. I quickly pushed that aside, I couldn't bare to think like that, how could I. What person could be luckier to have a mother-in-law like her, she is so caring and so unselfish and so giving. She loves my family like her own, and continually asks about them and is concerned for them, and when she can, she gives of herself to them. I couldn't have asked for better, and to think that she would be willing to give her life in place of my unborn baby, I just can't bare to think that way.

I know this is a bit depressing, but please, pray for her and my baby. We learned on Sunday that we should pray for the Lords will, and for me that is hard. I want to but I am selfish, and I want the Lords will to be my will, and I know it should be the other way around. Trials are hard, especially with so much uncertainty, and when dealing with life and death. I find comfort in my family and in those I love, that lift me when I'm down, but the mind can be a terrible thing when you let the adversary in. When I'm low is the times that are the hardest, but thankfully there are places like this that let me get my thoughts out when I don't feel like talking. So thanks and I love you.