Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Juxtaposition

Although this is probably not a true juxtaposition I just like the sound of the word and thought it would be a good title.

Here is my issue: I am the go-to gal for those in need in my ward and a very busy mom. I really like my calling but the fun parts have been given to others and the hard parts are left to me. It's nice to know that we are a close knit group of sisters and we know we can rely on each other, but where is the line drawn? The line of how much can we rely on each other and how much should we do ourselves. What about those that rely on others to do it all for them but can do some for themselves but won't. What about those that need the help and don't feel like they can or should ask for it. I know it's a matter of agency at times, and we are stuck with our consequences.

I feel very hesitant to call others for help for just myself, but now I call for other women who need help. When my number pops up on the caller ID do people not answer because they know what I'm calling for? Or are they really just not home? I wish I had a bubbly infectious personality, one that it would be hard to say no to. Then would I be the one taking advantage? These women do need help, and I am the one chosen to find it for them, but only when they are in "the mire" so to speak. What happens when I am the one in "the mire"? I am only two months into this thing and I already feel I have become annoying.

I know this is a small part of the Lords work and I'll keep doing what I can, and by doing hopefully I can overcome the feelings of anxiety and frustration and the thoughts doubt and despair.

It all was just getting to me today, thanks for letting me get it off my chest.

3 comments:

candace said...

1. I love this thoughtful post.
2. Maybe speak with your RS president? Maybe some stuff being asked of you doesn't actually fall under your calling? If there are freqent needs by a certain family wouldn't that be up to the bishop/RS president to handle?
3. I don't really know what I'm talking about, those were just a couple thoughts I had when I read your post.
4. I don't think your calling is a result of your not needing help. Everyone needs help at some point or another. If you need help, ask for it!
4. I'll pray for you! <3 <3 <3

carolyn said...

I know what you mean. We have a great ward, but where is the line? I feel for you and if you ever need to talk I am here for you.

trublubyu said...

i can totally see where you are coming from. i think the best thing for me to remember when someone is in need is to not judge their situation or need for help.

coming from personal experience, i so appreciate the work that goes into your calling and all the help that you provide for others who may not feel they can ask for help, so when you are able to do it for them they are grateful. you are doing an excellent job! just know that this is your calling and that gives you an excuse to be bold and push people a little farther than they may want to go.

call me! i am more than willing to help out when i am available!